2 Mindfulness Questions to Connect with Your Authentic Self-Empathy: Audio Reflection

When something feels like life or death, but we know it's not, we need something to help us interrupt our habits and bring us into the present moment so we can pause before responding. 

In this 12 minute audio reflection, I'm introducing my personal mindfulness practice to you...

Please simply listen. 

Transcript of the audio:

When something feels, in our bodies, in our guts, like life or death, and we're afraid of how we're going to react, we need something that's going to interrupt that reactive cycle, that habit that we might have done many times in the past.

We need something to interrupt those intrusive thoughts and bring us into the present moment so we can pause before responding.

That's mindfulness.

Deep breath in and a really big sigh out, and again, fill your belly.

When we're in a state of flight, fight, collapse, it's harder to be curious, inventive mindful, compassionate toward ourselves and others. There are going to be times when each of those states is appropriate. Of course, there are times and they can run through our lives.

There might be like a default setting that we have. Because we have more grooves in our brain that have met our needs in the past. And we always have a way back to the safe and social state, to the attuned, more mindful, more creative more curious state of our nervous systems.

There always is a pathway back. And I just want to tease out the difference between thought and feeling. Please, even if you're having a lot of intrusive thoughts or a lot of really important, valuable thoughts right now, set those aside for now. Let's come into present moment awareness, mindfulness, however you can.

And please notice how you're feeling. This is a visceral sense. So feeling is associated with our interception. How am I feeling in my organs? And the biggest organ being your skin. You might have a tingle or spidey sense. If you're feeling a little activated, you might notice your stomach or your chest, your heart, your breathing.

So then our thoughts translate this into a word. And the more of a vocabulary we have for our feelings, the more granular we can get. I always recommend Brene Brown's book, Atlas of the Heart, if you want to get a little more clarity. around Teasing out the granularity of each feeling. She defines I don't know, I think it's 80 something feelings.

But notice right now, please, how am I feeling? Without any judgment, without putting any explanations over it, simply the feeling. Knowing every feeling, there's a reason. We're not going to try and stuff them or shove them. Even if it's anxiety, even if it's rage, we're going to allow that feeling. So we're recognizing and allowing the feeling that's here in this present moment to be here. Without trying to change it for right now, just for right now.

The more we can validate our own feelings in the moment, the less they have to get bigger and bigger. So if I'm just like, oh wow, that makes me mad to myself, I'm less likely to have to escalate the feeling to the point where I'm stomping around or I'm yelling or I'm throwing things across the room.

I just want to reinforce, we all have these habits, these knee jerk reactions that used to be super helpful, so we kept doing them, but now they may not be so helpful anymore. We may not need them anymore to survive, and we may have better, different strategies that we would like to use instead.

If that's the case, that's totally understandable. You're not alone. And taking one breath can interrupt the cycle. Being curious with yourself, asking yourself, How am I feeling? Giving yourself permission not to stuff the feelings. And, honoring your needs, giving yourself the respect as a human that you deserve.

Very helpful for placing some space between whatever is the stimulus and the knee jerk reaction that you no longer want.

Ask, what do I need? This is curiosity. This can teach us a lot.

Even if you can't meet the need, asking the question helps you gain more clarity on that part of the equation. So the more often I ask the question, the more likely I will know that I am worthy of having needs and having them met. And the clearer I'll get on what that need is in the moment.

Figuring out how that need will be met, that's a strategy and that's for a different time. Right now, how am I feeling? What do I need?

If you can imprint nothing else this week into your daily life or even a couple times a day or anytime you feel triggered.

This. Brings you into the present moment and it brings in curiosity.

I wonder how I'm feeling. Wow. I'm gonna have to get present with myself what do I need? Be a little curious.

Yes, it is simplifying the situation, but that is what we need when we're in a triggering moment.

Play is a mixed state. It's activation with connection. You bring in relationship, and you put a little risk, reward, and challenge in, and that's where play comes in.

So you might think of a way in your life as an adult, that there might be a little element of play, or you could bring in an element of play. For children, play is the work. It's very serious work.

The more we can look at some aspect of our lives as play. The less it'll feel like life and death. The more it'll feel like a learning experience. Something we can bring new creative ideas to, we can experiment with.

So If something in your life is feeling like life or death, but you know, it's really not life or death. If it is, do what you gotta do. It's important to listen to the feelings. Figure out what you need, and then if there's room for that pause, and that little bit of curiosity, play, wonder, experimentation, bring that in.

how am I feeling? What do I need? It might take one breath to do that, and that breath might save you from a lot of blow back.

Often we feel like if we don't react in the moment that something will be lost, but we're mature enough to think of times when we've reacted in the moment and it probably wasn't the best choice. Then there are times when we have waited and responded in a way that feels more authentic. and more aligned with our values where it made more sense.

You have the capacity to do both. How can you bring your authentic self and your values into any and every interaction, any and every moment?

Of course, there are going to be times when it's not safe to bring all of yourself in. But is there a way that you could bring, maybe you put something in your pocket that reminds you, you write a word down, you stick that in your pocket when you go into a situation where you feel a need to mask or a need to stop yourself from saying what you know is true. Maybe there's a way to keep yourself close.

And ask yourself those questions.

This is my practice right now, asking myself these two questions:

• How am I feeling?
• What do I need?

This is something you can return to when you're having those feelings of being triggered, of being activated.

Deep breath in together, big sigh out together. We're here for you. OM Shanti Shanti Shanti. OM.

All right. Be well. Thank you.